I used to be a wanderer who lost his way, a “loyal slave” to my own mental chatter. I carried a thick shadow of anxiety even when standing under the brightest sun of my life. For years, I wasn’t really “living”; I was just “preparing to live” or “regretting having lived.”
The Travels of a Restless Ghost
I remember business trips to glittering metropolises. Standing amidst magnificent skyscrapers, looking out of a five-star hotel window at city lights shimmering like crushed diamonds—I should have felt proud of my hustle. But no. Right in that luxury, a voice in my head whispered: “Soak it in, kid. In a few days, you’re back in that cramped cubicle, drowning in dry reports and the soul-crushing 10-hour-a-day loop.” That thought of “the return” murdered the glory of the present. My body was there, but my mind had clocked into the office long ago.
Then there were times I touched pure white snow. Dream vacations to frozen wonderlands. Amidst that pristine white space, where breath turns into mystical mist, my mind was busy… doing math. I’d calculate exactly how many days were left before I had to face the sweltering, sticky heat of home. I found myself mourning the cold before it even had a chance to melt on my fingertips. I was in the land of ice, but my heart was parched by the heat of a future that hadn’t arrived.
The irony followed me all the way to the deep blue sea. On weekends, as I immersed myself in cool water, the rhythm of the waves—which should have been a healing melody—was drowned out by the noise of “Monday” screaming in my head. I swam, but my arms felt like they were thrashing through a pile of messy files for the coming week. With every wave that hit the shore, I felt the pressure of work crashing down on me.
Even when I took the simplest path—cycling through green fields with fresh air filling my lungs—my “rebel mind” refused to let go. The crisp chirping of birds was flattened by imaginary car horns in my head. I smelled exhaust, traffic jams, and the suffocating city air, even though I was surrounded by nothing but the scent of wild grass.
The bitterest part? Even on my “good days”—when work was smooth, colleagues were chill, and the boss was happy—I didn’t dare to be fully happy. A vague fear always lingered: “If it’s too good to be true, it won’t last.” As a corporate soldier, my ego kept screaming that trouble was just around the corner. I was worrying about a sorrow that didn’t exist, and by doing so, I turned a day of joy into a “dress rehearsal” for misery.
What I Lost
And just like that, I threw away the most precious things a human can possess.
- I lost my connection with nature: I looked at snow but didn’t see snow; I looked at fields but didn’t feel the green. I only saw my thoughts about them.
- I lost the wholeness of my body: The cool seawater embraced me, but I didn’t feel it through my senses; I felt it through comparisons and prejudices.
- I lost my freedom: I imprisoned myself in a jail of time, where the bars were made of future anxieties.
Eckhart Tolle said in The Power of Now: “Most people are never fully present in the now, because they believe the next moment is more important.” I was the walking proof of that. I turned the “Now” into a means to an end, a stepping stone to some future, or just a hurdle to clear to get to tomorrow.
The Awakening: The Power of Now
Until the day I picked up Tolle’s book. It wasn’t just a book; it was an internal revolution.
I began to understand that the entity constantly yapping in my head is NOT ME. That’s just the Ego. The Ego feeds on time. It needs the past to define itself and the future to find satisfaction or salvation. The Ego fears the “Now” because, in the present, it has no place to hide.
I realized my biggest mistake: I had identified myself with my thoughts. When I thought about city traffic while standing in a meadow, I believed that fear was real. But the book taught me how to become “The Observer.” I started to step back, watching those anxious thoughts pass through my mind like dark clouds. But I was no longer the clouds. I was the silent sky containing them.
I learned to accept. Tolle taught: “If you cannot change the present, accept it as if you had chosen it.” When I’m at the office, I accept the office. When I’m in the snow, I’m just in the snow. Internal resistance is the source of all suffering. When I stopped saying “I don’t want to be here” or “I’m scared of tomorrow,” a strange, deep peace suddenly rolled in.
Practicing “Presence”
I started training my mind to feel the “Now” through the smallest things:
- Listening to sounds: Instead of the anxiety in my head, I focus on the rhythmic clicking of my bike chain, the wind rushing past my ears, the rustle of falling leaves. These sounds have a magical power to anchor me to reality.
- Feeling the breath: Every time I worry about a “Monday” that hasn’t come, I take a deep breath. I feel the air entering and leaving my lungs. In that exact second, the future vanishes. There is only me and the breath.
- Observing the body: I learned to feel the inner energy field. When swimming, I focus entirely on the water meeting my skin. I find myself merging with the ocean—no longer “me” and “the sea,” just one single existence.
And finally, I did it. I am no longer that anxious traveler. I can stand in a glittering city without fear, because I know that even when I return to the office, I can find the “Now” right there.
Ahaalife!
My journey isn’t about reaching a destination; it’s a daily practice. Now I understand that being “awake” doesn’t mean I never worry again—it means I don’t let worry run my life.
What about you? Are you truly living in the present, or are you just “visiting” for a second before rushing back to a regretful past or a restless future? Are you killing the beauty of the flower blooming in front of you just because you’re worried it will wither tomorrow?
Don’t let life pass you by while you’re busy making plans for it. Stop for a beat. Take a deep breath. Feel your feet touching the ground.
You are here. Right now. And that is all you need.
Follow Ahaalife to dive deeper into this journey of awakening. I’ll share more techniques to master the mind and the real-world experiences I’ve conquered—giving you the raw material and the courage to drop the burden of psychological time.
Start living your most complete, vibrant life, right here, right now!
Ahaalife – Peace is here, and now.
