During an interaction with a group of students, I received a deeply thoughtful question: “How can I win the affection of others?” They all understood that when you gain people’s goodwill, communication and connections in life and work become much smoother.
Honestly, I don’t believe I can win everyone’s affection. In the past, I tried every possible way to please anyone I met, but the results were nothing but failures. Therefore, I decided to let go of the things I couldn’t control and refocus on the only thing I could do: Love myself. This started the moment I heard a quote that became deeply etched in my mind: “If you can’t even love yourself, how can you expect others to love you?”
I began learning how to take care of myself with discipline and persistence:
- Physical & Language: I have run continuously for 6 years with a cumulative distance of over 8,000 km, while maintaining my Korean studies for 1,100 consecutive days on Duolingo.
- Finance & Knowledge: I explored personal finance, spending 30 minutes every day over the past 3 years writing an investment journal without missing a single day. I read books, collected them, and shared them as gifts.
- Mind: I practice self-observation, tuning into my breath every day to bring my mind back to stillness.
Just like that, day after day passed with only myself as my companion. But strangely enough, that inner change created a positive ripple effect on those around me. I completely lost the need to please anyone, yet naturally, the number of people who felt comfortable around me increased. People found something both “unique” and joyful about how I live, so they occasionally offered me casual compliments—though now, those compliments are no longer very important to me.
“How can I win the affection of others?” My answer is: Love yourself first. Plan to build a life worth living, and that question will naturally answer itself.
